3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?"  The pilot told him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window. The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. When they landed they met a man crying. When asked why he was crying, he replied, "Because I got hit in the head with a glass bottle. They met a woman who was crying for the same reason. Then the met a man laughing. They asked him why he...

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...  "Lord, I have a problem!"  "What's the problem, Eve?"  "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.  "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."  "What's a 'man,' Lord?"  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits.  He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all...

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

Dispatcher: 911 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the...

A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asks. Huh?!" replied the surprised young man. My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father. Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes, sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"

A man and a woman decide to honeymoon in an exotic land. In their desire to make it a memorable trip, they put their heads together and plan everything diligently. They decide to buy first class plane tickets, book in the most luxurious hoetl, buy smart but comfortable traveling clothes, and ready sizable amount in cash and traveler's checks. At the airport, thy double-check each item on their list, making sure that they have not overlooked anything. "Do we have all our luggage?" asks the man. "Yes," replies the woman. "How about the tickets?" "I have them right here." "Cash and...